Mummy Guilt after a Tumble!

This evening hasn’t been the best. Not terrible, and don’t worry everything is ok. We’re all ok, but Teddy took a tumble right from the top to the bottom of the stairs.

I was right there with him, had walked behind him until he got to the top and then I moved alongside him as he’d usually just crawl forward and go on to the landing. 
He didn’t go onto the landing. 
He stood up; wobble and gosh it happened so fast, that overbalance backwards. My hands couldn’t get there quick enough. I couldn’t stop him, catch him quick enough. And then… bump. Bump. All the way down the stairs, right to the bottom.
I scoop him up into my arms and try not to cry with panic. Is he ok? Shit I shouldn’t have scooped him up so quickly before checking him. He’s conscious. He’s still screaming. That’s a good sign right?
Arthur’s done a poo upstairs. “Good boy Arthur, just stay there. Don’t come out of the bathroom. Teddy is hurt.” A selfish thought. Please don’t come out of the bathroom and sit on the cream carpet with no pants on. Please. I can’t deal with that and this.
Back to Teddy.
Oh god, I’m a terrible parent. Why didn’t I catch him? Why didn’t I stay behind him? Who lets their 17 month old fall down the stairs?
Strip him off. Sing him a song. Phew he’s calming down. 
On the changing table. Ok good, he can move all his arms and legs. He’s not that happy with me lifting his hips up. He doesn’t want to be put down.
Please please don’t have broken anything.
Shit. Did I see him bang his head? It’s ok, it’s carpet. I don’t think he knocked it too hard. But then neither did Liam Neesan’s wife and she was wearing a helmet. 
I think I should have him checked over. Oh god  I’ve got Arthur. I can’t take two of them to the hospital on my own. Text lovely neighbour and say what’s happened. 
Yessss. Lovely neighbour has text back and has said she’ll have Arthur whilst I go to hospital.
Put Teddy down. He’s walking fine. He laughs…
A massive over reaction. 
Oh … but does he look a bit stiff? A bit pale? Did that squeak mean that his leg hurts? Put him in the highchair for dinner. He’s definitely labouring that one leg – doesn’t want it to hang loose like the other.
Ok, I’m not completely over-reacting.
Arthur fed and packed off with PJs, pudding, water a toy and a blanket just in case.
Quick, plan for worst case and shove enough in the changing bag for a hospital admission. Toys, food, vests, pjs, bibs, dummies, blankets, milk, bottle, phone charger… yes I did that!
Arrive at the minor injuries department.  Say I’m probably over-reacting and that I feel so guilty for not catching him, a billion times over.
Nurses are such a wonderful species aren’t they? 
“No it’s not your fault at all. You have to let him climb the stairs, they need to learn these skills. It’s just as risky to carry him. No don’t worry. Better to get it checked out. It’s what we’re here for”. 
Observed for a bit and checked over by nice doctor. All is fine. Perhaps he might be stiff tomorrow; that leg might be bruised. Come back if any concerns at all. Checked for concussion signs – all looks ok. Call if any worries in the night… given all the info on what to look for.
Ok. Good. He is ok. Big sigh of relief.
Right, I better tell the husband. Text husband. “Don’t worry, Teddy is fine, but this is what has happened” bla bla bla
Husband calls…

“What were you letting him climb the stairs for? Why weren’t you behind him??”
Great. Just great. 
Wine please.
No! I can’t have any wine just in case he gets delayed concussion. I should check he’s ok now. Shit… how long have I been typing this for? I haven’t checked him in 20 minutes… I’m a terrible mother. 
I will check him now. And every half an hour through the night? 
Ok maybe not every half an hour.

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31 Comments

  1. March 8, 2016 / 11:36 pm

    These things happen as much as you do blame yourself you really shouldn't. We cannot be responsible for every move and breath they take. Glad you went and got him checked and sure he will be fine tomorrow. These little ones are super resilient. Hang in there mama your doing a brilliant job xxxx

  2. March 9, 2016 / 9:27 am

    Aww honey, I am so sorry. That must be so scary feeling so responsible – it's every mother's worst nightmare! I'm so glad you had lovely understanding nurses to help you through 🙂 xx

  3. March 9, 2016 / 9:27 am

    When I was a child, I fell down the stairs a lot. I was (still am) very clumsy. For a while, me and my brother would fight on the top stair and push each other down. Thankfully it never resulted in anything serious – just a bump here or a bruise there. My point is, these things often look/sound waaay worse than they are. Please don't beat yourself up about it. It could happen and any time and any age – you can't stop these incidents from happening and you're right, it'd be just as risky to carry him up!

    These kids sure like to keep us on our toes!

    Jenna at Tinyfootsteps xx

  4. March 9, 2016 / 9:27 am

    Don't blame yourself! Kids tumble and knock themselves all the time and they're normally a lot sturdier than you think.

    I hope he'll be fit as a fiddle and keeping you on your toes again!

  5. March 9, 2016 / 9:27 am

    Ah bless him! I agree these things happen all the time and in some respects I think it's part of them growing up and learning. Try not to feel guilty, it wasn't your fault.

  6. March 9, 2016 / 9:27 am

    Oh Amanda! So glad he is okay! Children are far more resiilent than we think. Amelia did exactly the same not long ago went all the way down from the top and i was downstairs, couldn't get there quick enough but my god it was the scariest moment of my life. Luckily she never hit the wall at the bottom of the stairs and was absoultely fine but you always think what if. Hope you've all got over the shock xx

  7. March 9, 2016 / 11:19 am

    Oh bless you! It sucks when they have an accident and you feel sooooo guilty. I was in the kitchen when Toby was 13 months and he was a real climber, he climbed on to a little chair in the playroom, tipped it backwards to try and reach Reuben and then ended up cracking his head on the train table they share… he cut his head open, still has a scar and had to have it glued shut. I was mortified. All I wanted to do was get their dinner ready!! H x

  8. March 9, 2016 / 1:30 pm

    Oh I have been there before! My daughter had a fall out of her play house and ended up breaking her wrist, it wasn't until the next evening we took her to A&E as she had been fine apart from a little moan now and again. I felt so guilty 🙁 don't worry as long as he is ok that is the main thing! #ShareItSunday

  9. March 9, 2016 / 7:03 pm

    I'm glad he's ok and it must have been such a shock for all of you. Don't worry though these things do happen. I want to share our story with you in hope that it makes you feel better that it's not just you. When Rowan was six months old he fell off his changing table (Daddy was in charge I might add and turned away for literally half a second and Rowan was on the floor!!!) he was inconsolable afterwards and we took him to the hospital to get him checked over as he had restricted movement in his left hip. They checked him and gave him some medicine and sent us home. Three days later he still had restricted movement and we took him back to the hospital and they actually x-rayed him that time and it turns out he had a hairline fracture to his thigh!!! We couldn't believe it and we felt absolutely awful. The hospital were really apologetic for not x-raying the first day we went. They sent us home again because the fracture was really small and they said that babies bones mend so quickly and there was no point putting it into a cast. A week later we took him back for a check up to the fracture clinic and he was absolutely fine!

    We felt like the worlds most awful parents afterwards.

    So you're not alone!!!

    Laura x #ShareItSunday

  10. March 9, 2016 / 8:26 pm

    thank you so much lovely xx he's been ok today – bit grumpy but that might be coz he's a tad sore xx

  11. March 9, 2016 / 8:26 pm

    Thanks Kerry – gosh it is scary isn't it. Glad Amelia was ok too xx

  12. March 9, 2016 / 8:27 pm

    thanks hun. He seems fine today, a bit grumpy and clingy but he's teething so it could be that as well xx

  13. March 9, 2016 / 8:27 pm

    gosh i've got all that to come with siblings eeeeeeek. Thanks loads for your comment hun xx

  14. March 9, 2016 / 8:28 pm

    awww bless him and thanks so much for sharing your experience. We beat ourselves up so much don't we, but accidents happen. thanks again xx

  15. March 9, 2016 / 8:29 pm

    thanks – the nurse was so lovely. They do such a great job don't they xx

  16. March 9, 2016 / 8:30 pm

    awwww things just happen so fast and there's nothing you can do. Thanks for sharing your experience and commenting xx

  17. March 9, 2016 / 8:30 pm

    thanks lovey – he seems ok today, just a bit grumpy and clingy, but that could be down to teething too xx

  18. March 9, 2016 / 9:32 pm

    Aww bless you.. i also had the mummy guilt a couple of times actually when things have gone a little wrong, kids tumble and fall these things just happen i suppose and we can't always be there to catch them. Im so pleased he's ok though.. x 🙂

  19. March 9, 2016 / 9:33 pm

    I'm still haunted by exactly the same thing that happened to us 8 years ago. She just went and then she was silent and those endless seconds come back to me sometimes, what huge fear. Of course she was fine and she's had more accidents with worse outcomes since, but that one is totally terrifying. Isn't it good to know we're all just trying to figure it out.

  20. March 9, 2016 / 10:10 pm

    I fell down the stairs carrying my daughter when she was about 18 moths old. I just lost my footing and slid all the way down. I managed to get her on my tummy so she didn't get hurt. It all happened so quickly. She wouldn't let me carry her up or down the stairs for ages. I felt like a terrible mother. These things happen. Grandad was changing Bear on the bed and he rolled off, he bounced and was totally fine but grandad felt awful, he only changes him on the floor now. Don't feel bad these things happen to the most caring diligent people. We are only human xx

  21. March 9, 2016 / 10:11 pm

    Oh my goodness! You have freaked me out totally! Rosalie fell head first of the back of the sofa, actually she leaned over and dropped herself off on purpose. I'd already see nearly do it earlier on in the evening and so I told her sternly not to do it but she did. I'm off to go check she's breathing x

  22. March 10, 2016 / 10:54 am

    We climb the stair every day with me behind, it could happen to anyone… Glad he is OK and I hope you got some wine at some point. xxx #ShareItSunday

  23. March 10, 2016 / 10:54 am

    Oh bless you! These things happen! I am so glad he is ok for you. My girls have fallen down the stairs. It's scary isn't it x

  24. March 10, 2016 / 11:55 am

    oh bless you! it is hard isn't it? At least they won't have the memories of it – they're really resilient too x

  25. March 10, 2016 / 3:18 pm

    Oh bless definitely not your fault accidents happen. Glad that he is ok.

  26. March 10, 2016 / 3:18 pm

    That must have been so scary but these things happen! You're not to blame lovely! I'm glad he is ok x

  27. March 11, 2016 / 10:21 am

    Oh honey, how scary for you. Definitely not your fault, toddlers are a law unto themselves no matter how hard we try to protect them. I popped to the loo the other day and came back to find Toby half inside the (unlit) log burner. He was proud as punch saying "Fire paper, wood, daddy, fire". Glad your little man is okay and you're definitely not to blame!xx

  28. March 13, 2016 / 8:19 pm

    We have all been there, children tumble and we immediately blame ourselves for it. Pleased that he was OK and I hope that you are now OK too #ShareItSunday

  29. March 13, 2016 / 8:20 pm

    What a worry!! We don't know fear until we have littles ones do we?! So glad he is ok x

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